anxiety

Last week, it was my mom's 62nd birthday.
I called her at night and we ended up talking for hours.
It was nice.
It's been a while and i do miss her, and the fact that we didn't argue as usual , just makes it even nicer.
We talked about lots of things.
Mostly about families.
She talked about some of my relatives, and their plans, their lives.
And also some of my friends...


In the end,when i hung up, i don't know why, i was sad.
At that second, it's just struck me,
I just realized, I'm the only one in the family, or even maybe in my society, who doesn't even have a plan.
All those goals and achievements that a nearly 22 years old woman should have,
I'm not there.

I'm not even close.

How pathetic am i ?

When people are starting to graduate and look for job, I'm still stuck here.

When people are planning for future, maybe having lovers, finding soulmates or planning for weddings and stuffs, I don't have that.
I don't even have close friends, let alone a lover.

Then I looked back.
Observing my life.
I know that it's me who got myself to this situation.
I know that it's my own mistakes to get stuck in depressions.

Knowing that, makes me more depressed.
I'm so stupid.


*sigh* i just don't know.. i'm tired .. i hope my counsellor on monday can help me (~_~) ..