I find it funny, that some people think I'm happy in where i am right now.
How can you think I'm happy, knowing someone I love is engaged to another woman? :)
I'm just a human too. I get jealous everytime I know he's with her.
It hurts.
And when it hurts, i feel the envy is lurking behind.
I envy her, for knowing him first. For having a chance to be officially his girlfriend for so long until now.
When I have to look at myself, I can only be an option for now.
I understand I can't ask for more than I can get for now.
Aku mengerti sih, dia juga banyak berbuat untuk aku.
Terkadang dia memilih untuk bersama aku, meskipun "his fiancee" sedang pulang dan berada di kota yang sama.
Terkadang dia harus berbohong berkali-kali, supaya kami masih bisa in-contact.
Do I feel happy?
I can't lie, if I can choose, I don't want it. Of course what i want is, we can be together without any concern of anyone else. Without lies.
Tapi memang situasi saat ini tidak memungkinkan untuk itu.
Saat ini aku hanya bisa melakukan yang terbaik, menjadi the best of me, and hoping for the best, and preparing for the worst, until the time he'll decide which one is better for him.
Aku hanya bisa mencoba menghilangkan suara-suara negatif dalam kepalaku, semoga memang aku masih mempunyai kelebihan, ketika hampir semua orang menghakimi, bahwa aku tidak lebih baik dari "his fiancee".
Memang sih sering banget aku berkaca, intropeksi diri sendiri, who am i? How can i dare to continue this, knowing that my rival has many better qualities than me?
If you can only think in my place just for a second, feel that it's not easy being me either.
I got hurt a lot. And I have to deal not only with people's judgements, but from my conscience too.
My self-esteem is on stake here.
If in the end, I can't be with him for some reasons, I can't lie that maybe, I'd crashed and feel I'm nothing again.
*sigh*
Okay.. I'm rambling.. Yadda yadda..
The point is, I don't need your judgements. I can judge myself. :)
I got enough pressure from myself.
I know what I do is wrong, but I also know that what I feel is real. Do I ask to fall in love with him?
And you blame me for feeling this?
How can you think I'm happy, knowing someone I love is engaged to another woman? :)
I'm just a human too. I get jealous everytime I know he's with her.
It hurts.
And when it hurts, i feel the envy is lurking behind.
I envy her, for knowing him first. For having a chance to be officially his girlfriend for so long until now.
When I have to look at myself, I can only be an option for now.
I understand I can't ask for more than I can get for now.
Aku mengerti sih, dia juga banyak berbuat untuk aku.
Terkadang dia memilih untuk bersama aku, meskipun "his fiancee" sedang pulang dan berada di kota yang sama.
Terkadang dia harus berbohong berkali-kali, supaya kami masih bisa in-contact.
Do I feel happy?
I can't lie, if I can choose, I don't want it. Of course what i want is, we can be together without any concern of anyone else. Without lies.
Tapi memang situasi saat ini tidak memungkinkan untuk itu.
Saat ini aku hanya bisa melakukan yang terbaik, menjadi the best of me, and hoping for the best, and preparing for the worst, until the time he'll decide which one is better for him.
Aku hanya bisa mencoba menghilangkan suara-suara negatif dalam kepalaku, semoga memang aku masih mempunyai kelebihan, ketika hampir semua orang menghakimi, bahwa aku tidak lebih baik dari "his fiancee".
Memang sih sering banget aku berkaca, intropeksi diri sendiri, who am i? How can i dare to continue this, knowing that my rival has many better qualities than me?
If you can only think in my place just for a second, feel that it's not easy being me either.
I got hurt a lot. And I have to deal not only with people's judgements, but from my conscience too.
My self-esteem is on stake here.
If in the end, I can't be with him for some reasons, I can't lie that maybe, I'd crashed and feel I'm nothing again.
*sigh*
Okay.. I'm rambling.. Yadda yadda..
The point is, I don't need your judgements. I can judge myself. :)
I got enough pressure from myself.
I know what I do is wrong, but I also know that what I feel is real. Do I ask to fall in love with him?
And you blame me for feeling this?
