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1. Sometimes ago, I decided to take a break from my usual routine. I needed time and space to think over about my life. So I stopped slacking off, browsing unimportant stuffs, etc. Including blogging. Hence, this blog's been abandoned for a while, sorry (^^!).
I am back now, so I expect I can blog regularly.
2. I have to admit that there are problems in my family, even though it seems we're doing okay. It has been going on for so long, I think it's not fixable. Sometimes I feel like giving up too on my family, wanted to go away as far as possible, starting over my own life and never had to get tangled up in family issues.
I had some thoughts of leaving since last year, had one time experience too. And with no money to continue my education, eventhough I really wanted to focus on it now, I'm forced to change my direction. What I did usually was asking some of my friends in other cities, asking that they would help me finding any jobs. Any jobs are okay, as long as I can get out and survive on my own.
3. Turned out of course it's not easy to find jobs, so I couldn't go sooner. With so many unemployment, and so few jobs available, ( I'm not sure with my qualifications too... ) it made me scared too that maybe I had to take some dirty jobs. But thank God, I was saved and got some good help. Got some informations about vacancy in other cities. Some in Jakarta, some in Padang, some in Surabaya. I've sent my applications, and I just had to think of how I can get enough money soon to be my saving while I wait for salary, and wait for reply from them.
I was on crossroads by then. I got 2 options actually at that time. A relative of me in fact, offered me to work in one of his factories. He offered me already since last year, knowing that I wouldn't go abroad to study again. But I always declined the offer, as at that time the situation was just not right. My condition was still at the worst, and my relationship with my mom was in the worst too. I didn't want to have anything to do with my mom, and I thought that if I took that job, it would make my mom get positive point in my life, as I am sure somehow someway, she would feel that without her, I wouldn't get a job. And I don't want to give her that "ammo" for attacking me in the future. And considering that I wanted to go away as far as possible at that time, I declined the job offer three times. I didn't want to get stuck in Solo, which I would if I take the job.
And after being unemployed for quite some time, last month I decided to make a choice. 3 job offers, 1 in Jakarta and 2 in Surabaya, one of them was from a wellknown bank, answered my applications. To be honest, the salaries are not much. It will be enough for me to live with basic necessities only, it won't be enough for splurging. And maybe worse, considering in big cities, sometimes to go to one place to another, we need transportations, I was afraid the salary wouldn't be enough. But I will get the freedom I'd always been dreaming since teenager.
I was broke at that time, I didn't have any savings, because my mother doesn't give me monthly allowance anymore. It just makes more sense, if I have some money first to live if I move to another city on my own, right? And turned out that relative of mine still offered me a position. So after some thinking, I was more inclined to take the job offer from my relative. Plus the salary is so much much more, and my spendings won't be really much as I still live in my mom's home, so I can save so much more. Maybe after saving some money, if I do have to move in the future if the situation in my family's worse, I will be more prepared.
So now I am working full time in one of textile factories in my hometown. For some of you my friends from Solo, of course you all know that the biggest textile factory in Solo is owned by my mom's younger brother. I just want to clarify that I AM NOT WORKING THERE , since some people went straight to think that I'm working there. I am working in another factory,
On Monday to Friday, I start working 8 am - 4 pm, with 1 hour lunch break on 12 - 1 pm. Saturday I got half-day, 8 am -1 pm, lunch is after work.
The place I'm working is far away from my home. It's in the outer suburb. By car, it will take about 30 minutes from my home. The factory has some cars and drivers that are used to pick up or take the office staffs home as a facility if the employees don't have their own transportations. Other than cars, the factory also has some buses, but they're more for production employees. I can drive on my own actually, but for me it just doesn't make sense if I drive on my own to work. For it's so far away, and I can use that car facility, I choose to use that. Beside I can relax after work or before reaching the factory in the morning, I steal a nap a bit more in the car, right? (^^). The problem is, because I was sharing the car with 2 other people, sometimes I have to wait for them too. And they have a quite important job rank too, so sometimes when they're busy, I left the factory around 4.20 - 4.30 pm. Hence eventhough I am supposed to be working from 8 am - 4 pm, the car is already in front of my home by 7 am, sometimes even before that. So I leave home around 7 am, and reach home in the afternoon around 5 pm.
But okay, so far it's a good job. The salary is good enough. Lunch is provided too, and since I am having lunch in the room downstairs the building I am working, ( I don't have to go out of the building to have lunch.. ) with the manager-level employees, I get more food than the employees who have lunch in the canteen, near the production area. (^^)
Oh by the way, I'm working in Marketing, in Credit division. My job duties actually pretty are much around making a database on other people's credit. So I receive daily sales data, and making soft-copy data on how much people own, when the due date is, and analyzing their payment back, if they're early or on-time, and giving informations if there are some credits that haven't been paid and are passed the due date.
And since I would be working with computer, the company gave me brand new free laptop to use (^^). It's not the best, but it's nice enough. Decided to install Windows 7 Ultimate, with the help of my brother's friend, instead of XP or Vista that the computer store gave me. I mostly use it for working anyway. So this is it, the laptop I always carry everyday, being stickered on for protection.
I bought the skin and screen protectors in Solo Grand Mall - the shop's name is BLINK, in the mobile phone and computer area. They specialized in selling protectors for laptops.Turned out it's not really expensive. The skin protector costs me Rp. 125.000,- only, because I chose the one with picture. If you want transparent cover, it will only cost you Rp. 100.000,-. And the screen protector for small laptop (10"-15"), costs only Rp. 150.000,-.
Since my laptop's small, they had to cut some of the skin protector. I felt it would be a waste if it's not being used, so I took them and use them for other part (^^).
4. I know my simplincy blog has been abandoned for while, sorry. With all the things I've been through lately, it's hard to retell the story in the blog, for everytime I tried to do it, I would be crying again. Lately I've decided to make a makeover on that blog. From now, I will make that blog into sort of my memoir. It will start even from the very first beginning, because I thought it will be easier for other people to understand if they know what happened since the beginning, and not just wondering on why I became the person I am today. And it's still only for my real personal life and feelings. My daily ordinary life will be written here, in bittersweetxilicy.
The project will start by this weekend, and I think it will keep up and running regularly. I expect to update it at least once, weekly. It will still be limited to invited-reader only though, because it involves lots of private matters, I feel that it would be nice to know the people who know my personal life, and strangers don't need to know all about me, right? The blog will probably be open for public in the future, but not just yet.
So for you who have been invited, please confirm if you still want to be on the list, as I think I need to reset it. If anyone want to be invited to, contact me via email, and give me your email.
5. Okay lastly, this is a bit important for me.
Some time ago, a person who's used to be my friend, told me that "being friend with me is more like an effort, than pleasure". That is the exact sentence that's now I'll memorize forever. That person also explained that sometimes people'd feel that I tend to put a barrier when people want to be close with me, that's why sometimes it feels like effort, and not at all pleasure. That person happened to be one of my good friend before, we would chat all the time, and sometimes I also tell what I feel to that person.
Well, that person, I think now decides not to be my friend anymore.
I think about this for quite some time, until I decided to ask other people too whether it's true or not. I picked only few people whom I know, used to be close with me. Sent them SMS text. Among those people, only a handful are willing to reply my question :)
For those who were willing to spend some thoughts on my question, thanks a lot. At least I know that I still can expect you to listen to me when I need someone, that's really a big deal for me.
For those who didn't reply, it's okay. Thanks to you too. Now I can know there are many kinds of friendships. And maybe our friendships can't be closer than just a friend.
With this post I just want to clarify some points.
I do realize that sometimes I'm not fun to be with. I can't put up a happy face and big smile all the time, it tires me greatly.
I've been in lots of deep shits in my life, that sometimes I'm just lost and got depressed.
I'm still learning to deal with the complexity of my life, even until now. And when I did ask / tell people about my problems, it's usually pretty serious.
I understand that sometimes you guys also offered me some helps or advices. Although I listen to you, many times too I chose to ignore them. It's not because I don't appreciate your "effort", but sometimes my condition forced me to think differently than you.
If that tires you, I'm sorry, I never mean to do that.
What I'm doing is just trying to survive. My strength's already used up for surviving. I don't need more people judging me, thank you, i don't have spare energy for that.
I'm sorry that somehow my life is not as nice as yours. Hey I also want a good life with just a little problem too! But what can I do? I'm born into this world, facing lots of uncertainty and complex problems. And the strength in each person is different.
I'm sorry if that bothers you guys sometimes, that it makes you think twice to be friend with me. It's alright. Thank you for your "efforts" anyway. Maybe my life was too complicated for you to understand, it IS better for you to just quit to understand before you blow your brains off (^^).
And no, after some thoughts, I decided not to change myself, just to fit in into your "ideal" type of friendship, even though some of you feel I'm too tiresome. I won't budge you people anymore, I'll try to survive with this little strength I've got.
ps : remember the couple i told you about before, in
here, the one with very paranoid and jealousy girlfriend?
Not long after that, the guy chatted with me again on facebook, he told me that it's okay for us to communicate again. At that time, i didn't realize what's going on,
~ but apparently they broke up. And now, the guy, who is my friend, already has a crush on someone else. LOL !
