I miss having someone to talk to.

Someone who's excited to see me. Who can listen to all my ramblings without interrupting. Who can make me feel comfortable to tell my stories, without feeling ignored. One whom I can trust to talk to without any prejudices. And the closest thing I have is, my dog(s).

I've been searching for it for years. Since my childhood even. I've jumped to many different social circles, just to realize nobody really cared whether I'm around or not. For years I've tried to muster up strength to be social, but honestly it's hard. People don't really get it that for some people like me, even going out for a coffee needs great strength that doesn't come everyday. And when it happens, but then they don't even bother to ask me, or to let me finish my story, it'll become another disappointment that later at night, I blame myself for even trying.

I know, with my conditions, with it's been established that I have clinical depression and social anxiety disorder, it's also hard for people to understand and to like to be around me. Who wants to be around negative person? No one. Which then makes me feel guilty. So most of the times I think it's easier if I choose to just fake it. Show them the 'happy' me. The 'contented' me. That's what people want anyway. 

Even though deeply  I feel hollow and in the end of the day, I'd feel more miserable. Living day by day suffocating from these heavy feelings in my heart, and trying my best to survive.

So, yeah... I miss having someone to talk to. But I guess I really shouldn't hope for much.